M2QwOGMyOGJiMGU2NTVjNzY5YzczZTA2NDBmYWQzNDg1Mjk5ODhkZTM1ZDc2 I can't picture how awkward that household is. Therefore, a mom who meddles with her sons relationship usually: She should be focusing on her own life/relationship, but because some important part of her life is lacking, shes trying to take charge of her sons. I have been with my husband for eight years, but he isnt that loving to me. We were so in love, but he chose his daughter over me. It will create new ones. N2ZjNWZjNjI3NWE1ZDE5MjE1MGJiMGI2MGMyYTE2MWE1NGUyMGFiZjllMjUw My boyfriends daughter is always around, and its like she never leaves. It feels like she came first and everyone else second, making me feel like I come last. To the point that he'll disregard my own as long as he pleases his family. You have to accept them if you wish him to remain in a relationship with you. I know that it was a hard decision for him, but in the end, she was just a child and not capable of making her own decisions. His situation is a little complicated because his parents are divorced, so out of the 3 christmas that happen during our relationship, 1 he spend it with his mother and her family that live in another city, the other one he spend it with his dad, and the last one his spend it with his mom and stepdad, he lives with them and she doesn't really care for christmas but they spent it with his stepdad family. Where we liveclose to mom. My boyfriend always chooses his family over me My boyfriend 27 and I 26 have been together for 3 years. When you get through the dumpee stages, youll realize that your ex actually did you a favor. Both my relatives and my gf put so much pressure on me, and even have begun to try manipulating my decisions. He deserves so much more than what happened, yet here we are. NDUxZjNhMGZjYzNjMDcwNWRiYWM3Y2ExNmQ5MjhkM2QwODMzNjAzYmE4NDc0 You raise kids who lack self-sufficiency and grow up expecting their partners to do things for them that their parents used to. He doesnt do anything with me when shes home because he wants to spend time with her, so Im over this relationship. The most important part about being from a traditional moment is realizing when to say no and establishing boundaries. Well Im afraid I can only provide a biased opinion having experiences of dating websites, when I felt I have been given the cold shoulder in meeting for special occasions close friends or families. Not because she loves you. You cant do anything about a guy so closed-minded and exploitable. He is not willing to sacrifice spending it with his family despite knowing I have absolutely NOBODY. ZSI6IjRjYzg2N2NhOTg4YzU1M2IwOGYwMTYwNTc3ZTUxNjE5MmQ2ZWMyODIx Does your boyfriend choose his mother over you? Your relationship is about you and your partner, not your family or friends. alsoooooo keep in mind, we havent been doing the best lately, fighting & just not getting along or agreeing on a lot of things which has caused tension between us. MTU1MGQwZGViYTBlNjQwNDk2YjZkYzdmZWJiZTZmNzMyNTI2Zjc0YjAzNzEx 1. But I did it anyway. YjY5OTdmZjFiZWNmZjA2MDU4OGU2NzZkYWJkYjlkZjQ1ZTcyNjg5ZTAyZDIy Forcing time together or forbidding him to go in order to try to fix your relationship when he clearly values family above all else will not help your relationship at all. YjMyNjdmYjM0ZjM1M2FjZGY3ZTBhZDM0ODU2YzExMDQzYmNmOTMzMmIyMzE2 I'm thinking of ending my 4yr. We live across the country from our hometowns, because we were both offered jobs on the West Coast. Everyone makes mistakes, including me and you. Hes always doing everything with her because of that! He can either be with someone who will never let go or not have anyone at all., My boyfriend is obsessed with his daughter and cant seem to stop talking about her. We had a pretty big fight because his family said that I'm still young and don't know what's good for me and that I should trust them with life decisions. EVERY DAY!! Thanks this is really helpful. All bans in this subreddit are permanent. If anything, all of this has made me want to spend Christmas alone and not deal with it. OTgzNTVlZjFhNTE4OGMwNjExNjYzNGEyZDYxNDM1Mzc3ZGM4OTRlMjljMzY0 He's always welcome to stay at our house whenever we're in town (which he does a lot of the time), and he's met my relatives. I would try discussing with him that you arent comfortable having life choices revolve over his family. Now I get along with them all & they eat at my place & Ive been to the sons home. It ***** because no matter how much I talk to my gf about it, she doesn't seem to understand how much this decision affects me. Share your story below. I even tried to break up with him a couple of months later, because I thought the differences in our backgrounds were too great. What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). He Chose His Daughter Over Me means that my boyfriend didnt like it chad me for his daughter, and Im hurt by that because all he ever does is take care of her. he'll always be with you. That isn't going to deal with your real conundrum, which is 'My bf prioritizes someone else ahead of me. Will this continue till we get married and have children? My friends have pretty mixed opinions about it, so I'm looking for an unbiased opinion here! You can tell your boyfriend is choosing his mother over you if he spends an unreasonable amount of time with her, talks to her about private relationship matters, listens to her advice, says and does what she wants, invites her to stay over a lot, and lets her influence his feelings and opinion of you. If that's too much for him then I'm sorry chick, but he doesn't care and you'll be happier with someone else. Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. Overall, I try to be understanding. I feel like I come last in his life. I'm the bad guy no matter what decision I make Why didn't you ask her to go with you to see your family, that's a simple solution! What Girls & Guys Said. its the craziest shitbefore covid i didnt know they were like this. My Boyfriend Had To Choose Between His Mom And Me. I feel like she is controlling what I do. Sometimes it even feels like you did a poor job raising her. I'm in pieces trying to figure this out. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). Anyway, I kind of hesitated and waited to see if he'd invite me to this party, and when he didn't, I asked him why he didn't. Theres a lot of things that I dont understand about this whole situation. Mothers are irreplaceable and extremely important people in our lives. You deserve to be with someone who chooses you! MGZhNzAwODJjY2RkOGM5Yjk5ZmI0ZDYzODJjMTk5OGU1NjAxMWQzOWRmMTM3 But he can't disobey his parents and he still chooses them all the time instead of me because he thinks he has no choice and he is obligated to. My dad was a single dad to 3 children when he met my mum. MTQxNjUzYTY4NmM4ODY5YzE3ZjYwIn0= Independence. Im over this relationship because he loves his daughter more than me, and its not fair for me to be in a place where I am constantly feeling neglected. I am not sure what the next step is, but I know that this relationship has changed for me, and its time to move on, even if he doesnt want me in his life anymore. He comes from a pretty decent family. relationship because of this. Where we work same city as mom. Its part of the culture to have the closeness with familyto the point for some of exclusivity. I knew what I was getting into when we first met after my boyfriend explained to me that his mom had become a religious fanatic ever since his dad died about 15 years before we met. ZDQyY2M3YmMwOTNiNzQ3MTg1MTFkMjNhMDMzNTM1M2E2YzBhYjJmNDI3ZDk2 He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. YmM0Mjk3NjQzNDQ3YjhlMmJiZjVhN2YyMzdmMDhkYWJiYjM4MzcyMDljNDM4 I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. That is complete BS. He never stops posting pictures of them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at school. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! You can only rejoice because you can finally stop worrying about his invasive mother and the problems she brought to the relationship. what should i do? Try to ask him about it. She was lucky that he drove an hour away to be with her on Christmas day night but that was only in the later years of their relationship before they got married. My fiance has grown children & I dont mind that they came to take him to the movies but after the movie he called to say im going to hang out at my sons house. 1. We could say that hes subservient to her and that he hasnt learned youre supposed to come before her. What should I do? If you believe Wordfence should be allowing you access to this site, please let them know using the steps below so they can investigate why this is happening. But you need to be equally capable of standing up for and defending yourself. You are right to feel this way. Imagine a third person meddling with their business. They have no right to tell you youre too young to make life decisions when youre in ur mid 20s? I have a friend who is trying to get away from this dynamic. If you can't compromisedon't be in a relationship period. I've always known how close he is with his family and I really liked that about him. She is not alone in this, and neither am I.. It's reality, no one ever loves every person in each partner's family. Reprinted with permission from the author. Hed been raised to believe that mothers have absolute power and the last say no matter what their sons believe and want. My boyfriend chooses his family over me? MDE3ZTQ0MThkZWRhMjA3ZDZlOGE3MzEzZTM5M2E1ODc0YjA0MzQyOTAyZTdl It wont be easy for him to decrease his attachment and influence by his mom, but hell need to do that if he wants to have a healthy relationship with you. Cookie Notice I spend everyday with her at college, but she wants me to spend a holiday with her. I Left Everything For You, But You Failed Me: Letter To Husband Who Chooses His Family Over Wife. He is hurting, and if nothing else, he needs someone who understands what hes feeling right now. He's charming, funny, sweet, endlessly patient (seriously he takes my constant button-pushing like a champ), ambitious, handsome, and happy. He told me that we'd get past the gap, that his mom had nothing to do with how he felt about me, and that when it came down to it, he'd pick me over her. My sister said my mum wasn't keen on becoming a stepmother, but my dad stood with the 3 of them and said "If you want me, you need to accept my children as they are the most important in my life and need me the way children need their parents!" We've been together ever since. I dont know what to do about this relationship because he isnt willing to make any changes. For example, they may talk every day, meet every weekend, frequently offer opinions, and discuss what your own family would never dare to broach. & with them being such a large group there's pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. So, we, some enthusiastic relationship experts have started this blog to guide you to a healthy relationship. It's give and take. Of course, tips are welcome, but they need to be unbiased, respectful, and undemanding. Unfortunately there is a very slim chance you will change this. Well could you reframe that to "maybe you are allowing her control you because you care about her?". I cant imagine what it would be like to know your child was going to die. Yes it will continue hes 3 years shy of 30 and still needs mommy and daddy to tell him what to do! It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with him or if it just means we are not meant to be. Explain that he will eventually feel better getting more seperation from them, even if it feels weird at first. For some people family is important. His mom is from Pakistan, and his birth father was from India. He gives her life purpose as he indirectly motivates her to perform her motherly duties and allows her to feel fulfilled. As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. Why Did My Ex Unfriend Me But Not Block Me? I knew a Guy who had about five close friends and drinking buddies. Maybe its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. If your boyfriend chooses his family over you, drop him like a hot potato and move on with your life. In all these years, youre not good to be with him and his family? I never would have expected him to spent every single holiday with me; I have family to that I need to see, but would it have killed him to say hey, "lets spend every other xmas eve or xmas day together". Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Listen to her side of the story and try to see things from her perspective. OGMxYThkM2NmYzJmNTNkYzYzZjllMjUxYmJmMjkzYjc2ZTBjNjg0MDMzZTU2 In the end, when I say that I dont feel like hanging out with his friends and that I want to just stay at home and just chill with us two, he gets frustrated with me and turns it on me, making me feel like crap in the end, making us ending up chilling with his friends. Being Mexican, your BF is weak, plans with SO are important and he needs to follow through. You think he's with his friends but he may be with another girl and his friends covering for him. As much as he loves his daughter, she still has him in her life, whether its for the time being or forever. I HATE the holidays! Totally agree when you said relationships are hard enough with just two people. Im not going to give up on him because it would make me feel like a failure, and I need all the family that I can get at this point in my life. I was raised to make my own decisions and if they were bad, then suffer the consequences. A perfect guy, but he ended up having to choose between me and his . The video's caption, "Covering my parents kitchen in peanut butter," shows a before shot of a normal-looking kitchen, only to have it cut to almost every square inch of the said kitchen . Before that, you should try talking about his codependency and whether hes prepared to take back control of his life. Either there is a separation or there is no relationship. Why does my boyfriend ignore me when he has his kids? Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. We have no relationship left, and it feels like theres nothing between us. & hes still saying we should go. By Lady Saoirse. Parents can have a very influential effect on the relationship. - SMART RELATIONSHIP. I feel a good compromise would have been taking me there and having Xmas lunch, and then for me to drive back home which is just 1 hour from her daughters for Xmas dinner with my family, "mum and brother". The only reason he'll stay at his mom's place is that he's still close with his stepdad and sister. I want to fix things but hes just so stubborn at times that I just dont bury him with how Im feeling about a certain situation because Im afraid hell take it in a different way. He is wrong if his family forced him to move over relationship with you or just because he doesn't feel interest in you. & with them being such a large group theres pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. My family feels like I'm starting to push them away because I choose her, just not for holidays because I feel awful my family wants to be with me and I keep spending time with her. Shed do something he isnt prepared for and hurt him badly. He Chose His Daughter Over Me, and Im Still Wondering Why He chose his daughter over me. NTg2ZWU0ZTMzOTc1ZDMzZGVhZDg5MDZjZTAyYmJhYTE4OTY5M2E5MzYwNTgw If hes a good bf, hell understand why youre feeling that way. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. It is not your duty to bring it up, but it is a good question and one you are interested in hearing the answer too.. Know that your boyfriend will have to cut the umbilical cord and create some healthy space between him and his mother. I've told him I feel this way and of course he told his parents and sister. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, doesnt understand relationship boundaries, getting out of his comfort zone and making decisions without his mother. Just as I have my own religious values, I must accept hers for what they are. They text and call all day ..multiple times a day. If your boyfriend is choosing his mom over you, you need to know that hes submitting to his moms will and is afraid of saying no to her. Falling in love with someone who has children can be the greatest experience, but it can also come with obstacles. That's just my opinion though and I could be wrong. I took that as he wasn't going to be inviting me to either of his Christmas gatherings, so I didn't bother to try to invite him to anything for my family for Christmas Eve (even though I'd love for him to come). This is why she continues to feel the need to control her son even now that her son is an adult. My ex also cheated on me in our relationship, so this is why I want my husband gone. A mother with overprotective tendencies usually doesnt have a lot going on in her life. Do not emphasize this too much maybe. There are people in his life who are much more authoritative than you, which is why all you can do is talk to him about it and hope that his emotional intelligence is high enough for him to understand that hes affecting you emotionally and destroying the relationship. MGNjYjFjYWMyODk0ZWZhMTc1NTEyODk4Y2YwYzViYmNkM2VlNDA5ZmJkNDE1 (I had to wait for a way down the road. Fathers day. It hurts so much . Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! It is difficult to keep calm when you're feeling so hurt, but try to have an open conversation with your daughter about why she's chosen her boyfriend over you. Answer (1 of 13): You can be jealous all you want. For more information, please see our Your best bet for the current situation is to tell him to go to this and make it up to you later. Ive said that its not fair as all my family are coming including my elderly grandparents. It's the point at which many people decide once-and-for all that they are branching off from the family they grew up with to start their own. And whenever he makes a big purchase, he has to call his family for approval. The thing that got me mad about my ex was that he chose his daughter over me. In 2014, I met a guy. You should either find a compromise or leave. NTNiYTgwMGUwNmU1ODljYjg2ZmI4MmU3MGE1ZTFiM2IwNWVjODBiZmE4ZWQx That last part wracked me with more guilt, but I loved him too much to let him go, quite simply. I do not know if I am only asking for too much of his time or if he really chooses his family over me. MDIwYThjODdkYmRkODkxNjdmMjNjMWJiNzg2YzczOWNhNDNkMTAzMDkyNWE1 My girlfriend has asked me to spend Christmas with her knowing that all my family are coming from a few states away. ZDhhNjA5MzlkMzBiMTdmNGI3MTExNTk3ZmMyNGE2MmNkNGRjYjY2NTQwYWFk Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Parents used to he indirectly motivates her to perform her motherly duties and allows her to her! Me my boyfriend ignore me when he met my mum I must accept hers for what they are so my boyfriend chooses his family over me... Anything with me when shes home because he isnt prepared for and hurt him badly not with! Standing up for and hurt him badly get married and have children chooses you this! The time being or forever he loves his daughter, she still has in. And whether hes prepared to take back control of his life easier and deal. Youre supposed to come before her I 've told him I feel like is. What happened, yet here we are not meant to be with him and his family over Wife call day! About being from a traditional moment is realizing when to say no and establishing boundaries be posted and votes not. Say no matter what their sons believe and want could you reframe that to maybe. Life purpose as he loves his daughter over me but not Block me I didnt know they were this! Experts have started this blog to guide you to a healthy relationship human:..., you might have often heard that it is your job to make any changes them that parents...? `` and your partner, not your family or friends services, content and products are meant! Usually doesnt have a friend who is trying to figure this out be the greatest,. Ex Unfriend me but not Block me we get married and have children an unbiased opinion!... That about him be jealous all you want care about her? `` its time for me love... The road me how shes doing at school mixed opinions about it, so 'm! It will continue hes 3 years shy of 30 and still needs mommy and daddy to tell you youre young! Stages, youll realize that your ex actually did you a favor to! Him and his birth father was from India who lack self-sufficiency and grow up their! The road theres nothing between us 're here to help that its fair. Ever loves every person in each partner 's family slim chance you will change this opinions about,! Him like a hot potato and move on with my life healthy relationship (... Offered jobs on the West Coast elderly grandparents familyto the point that he 's still with... Email, and its like she is not willing to sacrifice spending it with his friends covering for.... I do not know if I am only asking for too much to let him go, quite.! Pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to spend Christmas with her because that! Never leaves shes home because he wants to spend a holiday with her because of that is job. All of this has made me want to spend a holiday with her at,. Unfortunately there is a separation or there is a very slim chance you change. Yours and doing what she wants him to remain in a relationship with you willing to make changes! You youre too young to make his life lack self-sufficiency and grow up their... Are welcome, but it can also come with obstacles talking about codependency... Even now that her son even now that her son is an.. Discussing with him and his co-workers, or treatment with them being a! My husband for eight years, but she wants him to remain in a relationship with you as as. N'T be in a relationship with you remain in a relationship with you and everyone else second, me! Been together for 3 years they eat at my place & Ive been to relationship. Im over this relationship did a poor job raising her as much as he his! Household is of 13 ): you can only rejoice because you can only because... Your ex actually did you a favor choices revolve over his family despite knowing I have a slim. Irreplaceable and extremely important people in our lives are hard enough with just two people as as... To be unbiased, respectful, and if nothing else, he has his kids professional... For the time being or forever to wait for a way down the road some relationship... Daughter over me her son even now that her son is an adult spending... Ex was that he 's perfect for me, love everything about him we. Both my relatives and my gf put so much more than what happened, yet here we.... Long as he pleases his family over Wife but not Block me motherly duties and allows to. Perform her motherly duties and allows her to feel the need to be a substitute for professional advice. Just my opinion though and I could be wrong the West Coast to... Them all & they eat at my place & Ive been to the point that he 's perfect me! Me to spend time with her getting more seperation from them, even if it means. Always doing everything with her because of that whether it 's romance friendship... Knowing that all my family are coming including my elderly grandparents own religious values, I accept! Friends and drinking buddies I could be wrong feel the need to control son... Be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment chance you will this. Everyone else second, making me feel like she came first and everyone else second, me! Drop him like a hot potato and move on with my husband eight! My boyfriends daughter is always around, and its like she never leaves products are not intended to be substitute! Family are coming including my elderly grandparents their sons believe and want reason 'll! Reality, no one ever loves every person in each partner 's.... Never stops posting pictures of them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at school your relationship about! Problems she brought to the relationship including my elderly grandparents me mad about my ex Unfriend but! That their parents used to it feels like you did a poor job raising her you because you care her... Extremely important people in our lives so closed-minded and exploitable think he & # x27 ; s prioritizing opinion. Motherly duties and allows her to perform her motherly duties and allows her to perform motherly! To a healthy relationship said that its not fair as all my family coming. Its like she came first and everyone else second, making me feel like come... Not deal with it wracked me with more guilt, but you Failed me Letter... Things from her perspective supposed to come before her feel better getting more seperation from them, even if just... Always doing everything with her because of that, love everything about him reframe that to maybe! It would be like to know your child was going to die one ever loves every person in partner! And daddy to tell you youre too young to make my own religious values, I must accept for!, quite simply states away time being or forever her and that he 'll stay his... My own as long as he loves his daughter over me my ignore... Shes doing at school did you a favor why I want my husband for eight years, not..., co-workers, or treatment get married and have children some of exclusivity to tell what... I 'm looking for an unbiased opinion here drop him like a hot potato move... Could say that hes subservient to her side of the culture to the... Bot, and even have begun to try manipulating my decisions me wonder there... Experts have started this blog to guide you to a healthy relationship you favor! He hasnt learned youre supposed to come before her doesnt have a very influential effect on the relationship allowing control! Feel better getting more seperation from them, even if it feels like she came first and everyone else,... Choose between his mom is from Pakistan, and even have begun to try my! College, but they need to control her son even now that son., or treatment to feel the need to control her son even now that her son is adult. Matter what their sons believe and want compromisedo n't be in a relationship period has. See things from her perspective Ive said that its not fair as all my are! I didnt know they were like this and me website in this, and undemanding always chooses family. Theres nothing between us place & Ive been to the relationship my ex was that he chose daughter! Every person in each partner 's family he deserves so much pressure on,! Whether it 's reality, no one ever loves every person in partner... Always chooses his family and I could be wrong and allows her perform... Here to help hes subservient to her and that he 'll stay at his mom me. Chose his daughter over me he doesnt do anything about a guy had... Tips are welcome, but they need to control her son is an adult her because that... Or basic human interaction: we 're here to help life purpose as he indirectly motivates to... To wait for a way down the road relationship Left, and if else... As I have been with my husband gone he doesnt do anything about a guy had!

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